Parent observation is an exciting opportunity for parents to cross the threshold that separates the lobby from the studio for an insider’s perspective into their dancer’s class. It is no doubt entertaining to watch as one impossibly patient and energetic teacher pulls out all stops in an attempt to wrangle eight two-year-olds into following directions. Seeing twelve three to four-year-olds march in a straight line around the studio is bound to impress even the harshest of critics (believe me, it’s harder than it looks) and if you are lucky enough to see them all dance at the same time (not picking noses or itching) than you have really hit the jackpot. No parent observation is complete without the occasional comical antic or two from these tiny tots. However, we can overlook the obvious: this is no doubt a challenging experience for any child under the age of five, but it is a necessary one. What can you expect on your child’s first parent observation and how can you set them up for success?
The most important step I’ve found in my work with children is communication. If we tell our dancers that their mommies and daddies will be coming in to watch them next week, they don’t always understand exactly what that means for them. If you know your child is incredibly shy in social situations than it is beneficial to prepare them by explaining what happens when we stand in front of a group of people. You don’t want to scare them with horror stories. A simple explanation of what goes on inside will suffice. You can tell them their tummies might get tickly and they might feel afraid, but that they are safe. You can describe what it will look like: there will be new faces staring at you, but they are your dance friends’ family members and they mean you no harm. You can describe possible reactions of other parents: they may laugh at certain times, but it’s just because you’re so cute.
The second most important step I’ve encountered is validation. On the day of parent observation your dancer may feel overwhelmed and not want to dance. They may not even want to come in. Whereas normally they skip right up to their teacher and hold hands, on this day, they may cower at your side with all ten tiny fingers digging into your legs. Do not be discouraged. At this point your dancer might be feeling nervous and not understand what is going on or what will happen next and this can cause them to shut down. What I have found much success with is asking the dancer if they feel a little scared of all the new strangers in the room. It is good to tell them that it is okay to be afraid and I always share that that scares me too. By validating your dancer’s emotions you are reassuring them that what they are feeling is normal and okay.
Once you’ve validated their feelings, you want to read your dancer’s body language. If they are still clinging ferociously the best thing to do is pick them up, sit them on your lap in the studio, and allow them to observe. When the dancer feels safe, they will join the class. Some students feel safe after the warm-up and others don’t feel safe enough to dance at all during their first or second parent observation and that is okay. We have to remember that this is a process. Our tiny tots will always tell us when they are ready to do something by willingly participating, but if they are not ready right away it does not mean that they should not take the class. With every parent observation dancers learn what performing is and they have another opportunity to understand that it is a fun and safe experience. If we can show them that they are safe and it is fun, then they will be more likely to want to participate.
If your dancer stays on your lap, I would encourage you to send a message to them that your attention is on the class by being fully entranced by everything the dancers do. In doing this we teach them that positive attention is given to the performers, and the audience’s role is to quietly observe. When dancers understand that the fun part is being in the action, this helps motivate them off your lap and into the class. It is good at various intervals when it is not disruptive to re-invite your child to participate. If they say no, it is best to accept it and re-focus on the dancers who are participating. I would discourage getting off your chair and walking them over to the other dancers. Although this seems helpful in theory, the truth is that if they are unable to walk there without you, they will not be able to stay there without you and the entire class will be distracted until you both go back to your seat.
If after validating your child’s fears and anxieties they release their grip and look curiously at the other dancers, it is a good idea to invite them to participate. All too often dancers feel a sense of relief at having their feelings validated and they can move forward from there. If they say yes, but they are unable walk to the group without you, this may be an indication that they want to participate, but they still do not feel safe, at which point it is best to have them sit with you a while and observe. It is best that we take the time needed to re-assure them that they are in a safe and fun environment and there is no pressure. When young dancers feel that they will be punished if they do not dance, they can begin to associate negative feelings with dance and refuse to participate altogether. If we can be patient and have faith they are learning a valuable lesson even if all they do is watch, we can set them up for successful future performances.
Every year thousands of children five and under take the stage across America and wow their parents. A significant amount of these children spent their first parent observation scared on their parent’s lap, but they overcame in time and their presence on that stage is proof. Parent observation is so important for our young dancers because it prepares and equips them to cope with this intimidating experience. If we can usher them through it in a nurturing and loving way, they will learn how to face and overcome their fears in dance, and in life.
Written by Sarah Garske
